sometimes. at the end of the day or even first thing in the morning, i feel way too many things to keep in my heart. it feels like stones, bricks, the weight of the entire world rests here. deep inside. something ancient and heavy follows me. drags me from place to place. it is draining. oh so exhausting to carry this weight around. it makes me long for the days when i felt only the lightness of feathers, birds-blue and forest-green, a mystical-magical-YELLOW, sometimes variations of red. pink. even orange. butterfly wings. infinite patterns to get lost in. colours rule my world. rule and rue my heart it seems. and it always goes back to blue. the winter shades of blue are so light. they hide and my eyes strain to find them. transparent against the gray sky. un-inspiring, mostly. dull. the blue-black sky filled with stars calls me, but i am asleep at the hour they shine the brightest. so i miss the moment. and start over again. maybe today i will not wear my pajamas all day and long for my blankets. maybe i won’t drink gallons of milk. maybe i will figure out how to give some of this burden away….package up the pain and emptiness with ribbons and bows….fly a little bit….